||mia got a kia||

I'm sorry I haven't blogged as much as I would like...
I don't have internet at home, and work has been extremely busy as of late.

Or maybe not busy...but my name has been yelled out from an office, a LOT.

So i got a new car!
hallelujah!
Thank you Jesus.

I bought my old car in September of 07 for $1500.
She was Ol' Faithful.

It was a good first car. Old, but it got me from point a to point b!
In November, on the way home from watching Tony's family in the Nutcracker,
I was driving behind a truck,

who suddenly swerved into the next lane...

all i could see was a stalled car in the middle of the road,

and all i had time to do was slam on my brakes.

I hit the car, but not very hard, I bumped it more than anything.

Two seconds later, me and my sister Sophia were thrown forward,

and heard the crunch of metal hitting metal, when the person behind me slammed into my car.
Thankfully and amazingly, my car made it out ok,
all of the damage being hidden underneath the car.
The next month, someone backed into the side of my car while I was at Tony's mom's house.

They left no insurance information, nothing.

So...it took a really big hit on my pride to have to drive a rotten looking piece of junk around.

But I kept having to literally shove it down,
and STOP myself when I started saying or thinking something about it.
It was hard, and I'm not goin to lie, I didn't always succeed.
The auto adjuster told me my car was totaled,

the damages way exceeded the cost of the car.

Here is Ol' Faithful:

(yes you read that right --almost 230,00 miles!)

I knew that I had needed a new car, and I had wanted a new car for forever.

I wasn't comfortable driving that car long distances anymore,
and I just felt unsafe.

But how in the world was I going to be able to get a new car?!?!?!
I kept praying about it.

I was getting about $2100 in medical bills from the first accident in November,

and after they said my car was totaled, they said they would pay me what the car was worth --

minus:
the poor condition of the front tires

the second accident damage
the 'bubble' in my roof
my windshield crack

etc.
And if I wanted to KEEP my car, they would deduct that as well.

I looked up my car value on Kelly Blue Book -- $700.

I was freaking out, I was going to get what? $5 for my car?
GREAT!

Well, God remains the God of miracles.

They called and offered me $890, WITH keeping my car!

Awesome! Of course I'll take it!
So, at this point, I have about $3000 for a car.

Earlier in the year, Christen had told me about this thing called the Clean Air Act.
Basically, if you're car is older than 10 years and/or has failed an emissions test,

the state of Texas will give you $3,000 to get your car off the road!

I applied for this -- and I got accepted!
I received all of my car/insurance/Clean Air act money within the same week -- $6000!
God still gives more than we can ask, right?

My income taxes allowed me an extra $1,000 to put down.

PRAISE GOD! $7000.

So now...

all we need is to find me someone who will sell me a car.

easy enough, right?

not.

I started looking for used cars, I couldn't find anything that would work with the Clean Air Act...
I went to several dealerships, and I told them what I wanted to pay monthly....they practically laughed at me.
I felt discouraged. I had the money to put down, but a very limited budget, NO CREDIT, and no one who could sign for me.

I had been updating the Education ministry on the status of my car finding,

and Chad O. mentioned that he had a friend who owned Clear Lake Honda and

he was willing to put in a call for me.

Sure! I told him, but I figured it would be a dead end as well
-- why would he say anything different from anyone else?
....faith. I definitely learned a lesson about faith.
Mr. Tyrell, the owner, called me quickly after Chad had called him and

he really encouraged me and said that he would be willing to work with my circumstances!

I'm really excited now, and I'm trying to not get TOO excited,

but I'm not going to lie...I was super hopeful.

He set me up with his guys for that Saturday, February 14,

to meet with them, and get my paper work started.
My Tony ended up surprising me that weekend by coming home,

and so I was very thankful he came along for the ride, cause i definitely didnt want to alone!
It was awesome from the get-go.
We met with Dr. Will, our salesman,

who immediately asked if he could PRAY with us!
Seriously? Of course!

I was so blessed by that, knowing that I had a true man of faith working with me.
The people at the dealership explained to me that we were backing into this,

trying to figure HOW much I could afford, and what cars met my budget.
They didn't want to show me cars, get my hopes up, and then tell me I couldn't afford it.

Unfortunately, since I was a first time buyer, with no credit,
the banks that were willing to finance me were closed on the weekends...

and they would be closed the following Monday too, since it was President's day.
More waiting! Hopes down.
Dr. Will then leaned over and said "I often find with Christians, it never works out the first time. God's got to let us go through a little bit of trouble, so we can learn to have faith."
He was such an encouragement.

I kept praying, and hoping, and praying and hoping,

and finally...I received a call on Tuesday from the finance manager...

Would I be willing to come in tomorrow and meet with a credit union who will finace me?
Yes! I will be there!

So, wednesday morning, shaking and excited and scared, I headed out to Clear Lake.

I met Reggie, the finance manager, who actually TOOK time out of his DAY,

to ride with me to meet these credit unions.

He was very positive about the first one, and thought that if I could get financed,

these would be the people to do it!
Not so much.

They're 'evalution' of me got rejected.

I wanted to cry. I almost did.

Reggie smiled and said "Not to worry. I got a back up plan."

and he dialed some numbers and got an appoint for noon at the next credit union!

That gave us about an hour to kill, so he offered to take me out to lunch.

It was kind of awkward, at first,

but he started talking about his beautiful baby daughter, and his wife,

and his job, etc.

He eventually started sharing his testimony with me,

and said...
"If there is anything I can tell you, its that if its God's will, he will provide.
He will set everything into place."

I so needed to hear that.

Not just with the car, but with my life.
I've been struggling so much with where I should go, what I should do...

but God will set it into place.
So, God KNEW i was going to get rejected from that first union, just so I could have lunch and hear those words.
Thank you God, that your ways are NOT my ways!

thank you jesus.

We went to the second credit union,

and she hardly gave it a second thought...

'wow, you're financing more than half the car! ok, you don't have credit, but thats ok, its better than bad credit...ok! we can do this!"
....
....

...

....
....

....

....

....
....wait.

did she just say we can do this?
as in...

she's going to finance me?
as in...i'm getting a new car?

today?

oh my gosh!

thank you God! thank you Jesus!

i sat there shocked. stunned. shaking.

I just got financed.

More than that...my payments are EXACTLY where I needed them to be. Literally.
Not one penny, not one DOLLAR over.
the EXACT amount.

$150. Who has ever even heard of a car payment that small?

Very few.

Also, my interest rate is 8.5%
That's amazing for a FIRST TIME buyer!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was told that normal intereste rate for a first time buyer with no credit or cosigner is anywhere from 18%- 21%.
Chris also pointed out that 8 is the number of new beginnings,

and this is the new beginnign of my credit.

Before I left with my brand new car [my brand new car, i can't get over it],
Dr. Will came out and prayed with me again.

He prayed over my car, blessed it, asked for protection and prayed that

anyone who entered it would have a stronger relationship with God.

I felt so blessed.
This entire situation has had God's fingerprints all over it.
He knew i needed to wait to be at Honda Clear Lake,

he knew that I was going to get in those accidents so I could have those finances.

He knew the men who I was going to come into contact with, who would bless me and pour into my life.

God knew my needs, and he supplied and fufilled over and abundantly what I asked and needed.

Here is my new car!
(I haven't named her yet haha)

I am outside...
and I've been waiting for the sun
and with my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
my mouth is dry
with words I cannot verbalize
tell me why we live like this?

keep me safe inside
your arms like towers
tower over me

cause we are broken
what must we do to restore
our innocence
and oh the promise we adored
give us life again
cause
we
just
wanna
be whole

lock the doors
cause I'd like to capture this voice
that came to me tonight
so everyone will have a choice.
and under red lights
i'll show myself it wasn't forged
we're at war
we live like this

And I'll take the truth at any cost!

cause we are broken
what must we do to restoreour innocence
and oh the promise we adored
give us life again
cause we just wanna be whole

[paramore]

||amen & amen||

God has been doing amazing...incredible...wonderful things in my life.
After about a year and a half of being in the 'desert',
and having many, many moments of being driven to desperation,
I have finally reached a point of peace in my relationship with God.

After leaving Teen Mania,
I was so caught up in the pain of leaving behind
so many friends....
i loved these people, they were as close as family...
so dear to my heart.
I had experienced a lot of frustration at TM,
and I think I subconsciously directed a lot of this towards God.
Coming back home...
was overwhelming.
I felt so lost.
My relationship with God was strained,
I was lonely...and depressed.
My relationship with my parents was less than satisfactory.
Long story short,
the past year and a half, has been extremely difficult.
I have fought with my parents, fought with God,
moved in and out of houses three or four times.
I had no stability.

In October, Amy and I got an apartment together...
and it was pure hell for the both of us.
We fought about the stupidest things,
and we even went an entire month without talking at one point.
It was awful.
I know we both regretted it.
No one was at peace,
especially me.

Over Christmas break,
me and amy got into it BIG time...
and I left so ANGRY.
The next day, Chad Overton asked me how I liked living with a roommate...
I started complaining and saying how it was awful and he stopped me.
"I would really encourage you to show love to her. Go out of your way to show love, to serve her. Next time she asks you to do something, say ok...and do it with excellence and a cheerful heart"
So I heard him....but I was like "yeah. ok" and went on with my day.
Later on, God really convicted me...and I just keep hearing Chad's words in my head
over and over and over again.
Finally, I asked God to change my heart.
SOOO I went and bought Amy a key-lime pie from Luby's (her fave)
and I wrote her a note apologizing and offering her comprises that would work for us both.
She called me crying, "Mia...I just love you so much and I just want the best for you!"
Needless to say, things have been much better.
I feel like the lines of communication have been opened
and I have an awesome relationship with her once again.
It took a lot from BOTH of us, and it was so hard,
but it is SUCH a blessing to be able to look forward to coming home and
being able to share that time at home with her.
i love you amy!

im tearing up....
ok. collect myself.
haha.

So, admist all of this,
I am in the middle of learning how to not only be in a relationship,
but be in a long distance relationship.
Extremely difficult.
side note: one thing i've noticed...when your relationship with God is doing poorly, you're much more apt to act less maturely.l
Me and Tony were fighting a lot...
and mainly because I would start the argument over stupid petty inconsequential things.
Over Christmas break (again),
We got into it to the point of questioning the relationship.
At one point....I realized that I just needed to stop.
just...stop.
So, i didnt talk for a while....and then I apologized (which is very hard for me to do).
Tony sat there for a minute....
"Mia....I'm sorry that I've let it get to this point. I'm sorry that it HAD to get to this point for me to realize that we're missing something in this relationship. We've let God slip out of the center of our relationship...and the only way we're going to work is if He becomes the center again"
I just started crying...I love this man so much!
That night, he came over and we went to Panera Bread
and started our devotional and prayed together.
Since then, we have discussed our devotional and prayed together every night...
going on three weeks now.
tony has been so faithful to keep me accountable in this.
our relationship has improved so much in those three weeks,
its incredible.

Along with spending time with the Lord,
inevitably change comes along.
God has been convicting my heart of my attitude towards my parents,
and many times I should've have taken their advice, but I didnt.
My relationship with my parents has even improved.
There was brokeness there, so there has to be healing,
but we are both trusting that God will bring that when it is time.

Thank you JESUS! You are more than worthy of all the Honor, all the Glory and all the Praise!

||decisions||

I am about to finish my applications for school.
I'll submit them tomorrow.
I'm so nervous!!
I am applying to University of Texas in San Antonio and Sam Houston State University.
I just want to make the right decision about where I am going.

It's also just a huge, scary, leap of faith!
I would be quitting my job
(shhhhhhhh for those of you who work with me!
please, keep everything under wraps for the moment!!)
and going to live on a campus,
and get a part time job....
and....
thats really scary.
i am fully independant,
i provide completely for myself (through God's provisions),
and i will be stepping away from my 'income',
and i'm going to have to rely on God for everything.
AHHHHHH
that makes my stomach hurt thinking about it.
i hate not being in control.

for the first time in a long time,
i am in a stable position.
i have a steady job,
and i have an apartment i can truly call my own.
i'm not worrying about where i am going to live in the next couple of months.
that is such a great feeling!

but i am ready to move on,
i am ready to go to school full time
and get my degree.
and THAT'S exciting!
i have SO enjoyed going to school these past few semesters.
i have enjoyed the knowledge i've accumulated,
the debates held in class,
and the friend i've made.
[side note: i have not enjoyed buying textbooks]
and so...knowing that is going to be my life completely,
makes me really happy.
like my cousin said at christmas "college is a lifestyle"
its so true!
and i'm excited that i'm finally goin to be able to experience that.

but making that decision really does unnerve me a bit.
if i go to utsa, i'll know people already...
since i've been there several times to visit tony.
if i go to sam, i wont...
i know it wont be hard to make friends,
but its still just another factor to add to the 'scary' part of it.
haha.

anyways, if you're reading this, please just keep me in your prayers
as i make the huge transition in my life.

thanks!

picture tag!

Jessica tagged me!

So the object of this Picture Tag is to:
1. Go to the 4th folder in your computer where you store your pictures.
2. Pick the 4th picture in that folder.
3. Explain the picture.
4. Tag 4 people to do the same!

Here is my 4th picture in my 4th folder:


This was my Honor Academy graduation -- this was my second year there, i was graduating from Ministry Team (traveling around doing the Acquire the Fire tour), and i was so happy to be free. we're all really excited, as you can see. from l to r: diana alex, bradley, me, and benjamin batdorff. Brad was the only one on my actual team (we were blue team, the other two in the picture were red team) -- he is an amazing guy and gave great hugs. I miss him.

So I'm going to tag:
Becky
Nancy
Kelly
Kailee

Tag, you're it!

i am just so frustrated.
all of my life, i have lived in this shadow
of caring too much about what people think.
it has become a part of who i am,
unfortunately, and i am tired of it.
all of my life, people have told me
'stop caring what people think'
and so i try to stop, so those people will think more highly of me.
ultimately,
i have to stop because i have to find peace.


i am so tired of basing my life on that.
but where do i draw the line between
caring too much and caring too little?
i've been accused of being careless
with her feelings, his feelings, their feelings.
and im so selfish.
i know im selfish.
i know im selfish.
i know im selfish.
sometimes, i feel like those words have been thrown at me so much,
i really just dont want to care about that, especially.
of course im selfish...im a human freaking being.
i am trying.
with everything in me, i do not want to live selfishly.
but i feel like i have been run over
and guilt tripped.

please hear me loud and clear:
stop guilt tripping me.
it doesnt work in your advantage.

but.
you know when you see someone acting so stupidly?
and you sit back and say "how can they not see....?"
what if im that person?
what if i cant see?

oh, please, if i am that person,
lord open my eyes.

i have desires.
i have dreams
and wishes
and i want to live this life fully.
i want to EXPERIENCE.
and i dont see why that is wrong.
i know where right and wrong fall...
and ultimately, if i choose wrong,
then i am going to have to answer for that
on whatever level that may be.
and yes...
i suppose, that is selfish in a way.
but why am i selfish, when i dont give up my will, for someone else's
when the other person is holding me back for their gain?
i dont know.
im having a really hard time.

||this weekend||

this weekend, i plan to:
CLEAN my car
clean my room & bathroom
finish washing clothes
fold & put away clean clothes
buy hangers to hang clothes up with!
write my immigration paper
pick a psych topifc & begin writing paper
do math homework & begin review sheet
buy tires
grocery shopping
buy face moisterizer
buy a new belt [seriously my black belt is about to rip in two :( ]
go watch the nutcracker
SLEEPSLEEPSLEEP
finish a million little pieces
& finally, after all is completed....
relax.