honey, i'm home!

it has been almost two months since i've last posted,
and what a whirlwind of change has happened.
reading some of these last posts almost makes me feel pathetic
and i was tempted to delete...
but i didn't :)
i felt what i felt, and i should make no apologies. 

good gosh, 
so much has changed.
the biggest - 
i am at peace.
i am satisfied.
for the first time in almost two years.
it's an unfamiliar feeling,
and was almost uncomfortable at first,
because for so long....
i had been searching for the next high,
living in depression,
and beating myself up for so long.

i moved in with two girls from teenmania,
melody romo and liz hansen, and melody's sister - joy.
these girls have been such an incredible encouragement to me.
i never realized how much the friends you surround yourself with,
and the enviroment you live in can affect you so immensely.
i don't think i have the time, or the space, or even the words 
to fully allow myself to explain the extent 
to which God moved me out of my pit through these girls,
and so i shall leave it at that.
thank you jesus.

i was living in this...downward spiral,
of drinking, and partying, and making stupid, stupid choices.
and i saw it, and i just didnt know how to get out.
i didn't know how to stop.
and now i'm here.
i've stopped.
it no longer has a hold on me.
on one hand,
i'm saddened that i allowed myself to make 
those choices, those decisions that put me into awful situations,
but at the same time,
i cannot live with regret, 
and i'm only going to allow myself to learn, and to grow,
and i know that one day,
my testimony will impact someone in a huge way.

i feel like i've aged so much.
not in a bad way completely....
but in a way, that i know what i want.
i'm tired of living for something temporal.
it all fades away so quickly.