[fall is coming]

no, that is not what san antonio looks like...or probably will ever look like...
but that's what it feels like.
it has been the most perfect fall weather the past two days.

sunny, cool, crisp.

not a thing i would change.
and although i am going to miss summer dearly,
i am actually excited about seeing fall and winter come!
maybe it has to do with my friends who are all christmas fanatics.

on a yucky note,
its test time!
i truly dislike the classes i'm taking right now:
experimental psychology and the lab.
this is definitely not the part of psychology i prefer,
or wish to study,
and the fact that i have to ace these classes
in order to get into grad school is a little depressing!
wish me luck :)

[serious issues]

i have serious issues.
i need my back cracked EVERY day!
and i normally don't get it everyday,
so it builds up to this awful immense pain.

yesterday,
i drove 15 minutes,
and bought a 6 pack of beer for my friend,
so he could crack my back and massage it.
that's how desperate i was.

was it worth it?
yes. 100%.
however....
the pain is creeping back.

i need a chiropractor, stat!
can't wait till i get insurance....

[transition]

i don't know what that means,
or what it looks like.
but i am praying i make the right decisions.

i am thankful for friends and family
who love me
and more than that,
who love jesus.

****

girls night last night was so much fun :)
my ladies are amazing, and beautiful, and love jesus
and im so glad they are in my life.
we went to alamo drafthouse and watched 'going the distance'
whileeeeeeeee this movie was funny
(charlie from always sunny in philadelphia - my favorite character!)
and i LOVE justin long
(seriously, i want someone with THAT personality!)
there were some raunchy parts!
i had no idea it was rated r until we got to the theatre.
but it was actually a good movie.
joy and i got into an argument about the movie
- don't worry, i won't spoil it about telling you what it was about -
because we both have been in long distance relationships.

differences:
her man loves jesus, mine did not.
her relationship worked, mine did not.
i moved cities, she did not.

so....
i don't know.
she is getting married in decemeber,
and a part of me wants to say she is in happy bliss.
i am healing, and still working through pain.
i don't know that i would ever give everything up for a man again.
of course, again, there is still much healing to be done
and a lot to be said for trust lost,
but i will definitely think twice before entering a long distance relationship,
and especially moving!

[stay with me tonight]

the streetlamps try to do their best

but the light's faded in the west

it's like a night straight out of Poe

and one I'd hate to be alone

but with my ego at full mast

i cannot bring myself to ask you...

baby, stay with me tonight

it's a while before the light will win

and I'd love to have you here to tuck me in, oh,

baby, I hate to be needy

it's just the shadows seem kind of seedy

and I'm begging you to stay here with me

i never liked those girls who cling

needing a man for everything

with batted eyes and pouts intent

they bask in attention spent

but one thing I envy in their bask

they wouldn't hesitate to ask you...

i've been the same girl all along

too independent proud and strong

more like an island and a rock

than like a pillow or a dock

but sometimes strength is just a mask

and that's why tonight, my love, I ask you...

baby, stay with me tonight

it's a while before the light will win

and I'd love to have you here to tuck me in, oh,

baby, I hate to be needy

it's just the shadows seem kind of seedy

and I'm begging you to stay here with me

stay with me tonight (emma wallace)

cute!

inaluxe has the cutest cards! check out this one:

(it says:)

I love
the way you smell
your smiling eyes
sleeping in with you
your taste in music
your big bushy beard
the way you never laugh (loudly) when I slam into glass storefront doors
the fact that even though I have the scariest morning hair you still think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.

etsy always has the best finds!

[keep breathing]

The storm is coming but i don't mind.
People are dying, i close my blinds.

All that i know is i'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead i sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.
[ingrid michaelson]

[exhausted]

as i sit here,
staring at the computer screen,
phone off,
facebook deactivated,
and sondre lerche playing in my headphones,
i cannot, for the life of me, begin to function enough to write a paper.

my crutches have been taken,
and i am too exhausted.
mentally
emotionally
physically
spiritually.

i hurt.
there, i said it.
i hurt.
and i don't want anyone to know.

i don't know how to get back to the beginning,
to the way things were before.
before boys,
before booze,
before sexuality invaded my life and reared its ugly head.
before debt
before work
before the cares of life stole my joy.

don't get me wrong,
i am happy.
i know i am blessed.
but days like today...
after working and working and working
without stop,
my armour begins to chip away,
revealing things i don't want anyone to see.
my weaknesses,
my fears,
my discouragement.

tomorrow,
or the day after,
i shall be just fine.
back to myself,
smiling and laughing and loud.
but today,
just for today,
i don't know what to do.
i don't know how to make these problems go away.

There's nothing I could say to make you try to feel okay,
And nothing you could do to stop me feeling the way I do.
And if the chance should happen that I never see you again,
Just remember that I'll always love you.
There's nothing you could never do to ever let me down,
And remember that I'll always love you.
(a minor incident by badly drawn boy)






He will never leave me, or forsake me.
He has only given me what I can handle.
its going to be ok.
tomorrow will come.
and i will be ok.