[exhausted]

as i sit here,
staring at the computer screen,
phone off,
facebook deactivated,
and sondre lerche playing in my headphones,
i cannot, for the life of me, begin to function enough to write a paper.

my crutches have been taken,
and i am too exhausted.
mentally
emotionally
physically
spiritually.

i hurt.
there, i said it.
i hurt.
and i don't want anyone to know.

i don't know how to get back to the beginning,
to the way things were before.
before boys,
before booze,
before sexuality invaded my life and reared its ugly head.
before debt
before work
before the cares of life stole my joy.

don't get me wrong,
i am happy.
i know i am blessed.
but days like today...
after working and working and working
without stop,
my armour begins to chip away,
revealing things i don't want anyone to see.
my weaknesses,
my fears,
my discouragement.

tomorrow,
or the day after,
i shall be just fine.
back to myself,
smiling and laughing and loud.
but today,
just for today,
i don't know what to do.
i don't know how to make these problems go away.

There's nothing I could say to make you try to feel okay,
And nothing you could do to stop me feeling the way I do.
And if the chance should happen that I never see you again,
Just remember that I'll always love you.
There's nothing you could never do to ever let me down,
And remember that I'll always love you.
(a minor incident by badly drawn boy)






He will never leave me, or forsake me.
He has only given me what I can handle.
its going to be ok.
tomorrow will come.
and i will be ok.