I move tomorrow! [gulp] I'm so nervous. I still need to finish packing, and cleaning, pack my car, my dad's car and then... drive.
My move in time is 9am Saturday morning! and God COMPLETELY provided the loan money in time for me to move in! PTL, thank you Jesus! I meet my two new roommates for the first time... and I move into my downsized living space... yay :)
i tried downloading the layout of my new apt, but it wouldn't work... so you can click here - i am room a!
I start my new nanny job on Sunday, just meeting the kids and getting 'oriented'. I'll keep you updated!
Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified. 1 cor. 9:25-27
help!!! i'm dying. haha, not really. for some reason...since march, my face has broken out beyond belief. it has NEVER been like this before, not even when i was a teenager! i had relatively pretty skin for the past couple of years...an occasionally pimple... right now, i seriously look like a person from a proactiv commercial :( and if i had a working camera, i'd show you :( no exaggeration yall.
so...does anyone have any helpful tips??? i've tried proactiv i'm trying to get back on my excercise routine, drink more water, and cut out high fructose corn syrup. i've tried cetaphil, and neutrogena, and vitamins... ahhhhhh. this is getting bad. right now, i'm using oatmeal to wash my face, and it seems to be calming down, not as inflamed, but its still PAINFUL!
Usually when I tell someone about this, they ask one of three questions: Do you have more stress in your life? No, not anymore than usual Has your routine changed? No, not anymore than it has in the past Have you started a birth control? No, I have not
Does anyone...anyone AT ALL...have any suggestions? i'm so desperate.
Jess commented on my last note and told me I forgot to mention how much I'm going to miss my coworkers and friends...
The thing is...I didn't forget... but I can't just simply mention, in passing, a group of people who have meant so much more to me than a coworker ever could. Y'all have been confidantes, allies, sisters in christ, prayer partners, and most of all, friends. Thank you for a year and a half of lunches, inside jokes, boring fridays made fun, and the camaraderie that was brought about by laughter or tears, and sometimes both. You honestly made awful days bearable, and sometimes made good days awful ;) (just kidding...half kidding. hahah) There were times, that you were my sanity. Thank you for supporting me through all I went through, good and bad, for being a listening ear, and giving me the confidence and encouragement to stand up for myself or TO certain people (eh...you know who/what i'm talking about haha) and for tolerating my random bursts of song. I'll miss you.
I yet I really can't tell you how much I am going to miss you, because words aren't quite sufficient.
I am so excited to see what God is going to do in your life...you're all in such exciting places!! People always say they don't want to lose touch, and I hope that we can truly keep that communication.
well, its been a month and some odd days since i've last posted. a lot has happened...
i got my purse stolen while out on lake conroe with a couple of friends! our truck was busted into, and lots of things stolen. tony, being smart, had put his stuff in a pocket, so nothing of his was touched... vanessa got the worst of it...two $500 blank checks (don't ask, haha), $200 cash, her cell phone, and much much more. it was not enjoyable. my camera cord was in my purse, and apparently you can only order them online, so I've been without a camera and its made me awfully sad.
Children's Ministry two main events are over and done with :) VBS and Camp were huge, and I loved it. We had awesome turnouts. I was able to actually go to camp this year (I got sick last year) and it was so fun -- I had such an amazing group of girls...the Lord really blessed me :)
Definitely got a shocker at the end of camp...got pulled out at midnight on Friday night, to be told by my boss that she was resigning after 25 years. Not only that, but her last day was going to be Tuesday. Her reception was the next Sunday. Crazy. I had been planning on going to orientation/vacation for a while, so I wasn't even going to be here for her last day or reception! I came back, and she was gone. It will be such a great time for her kids though -- I know they'll love the extra time they'll get to spend with their mom :)
I officially gave my resignation the Monday I came back. It was a little awkward... and it kind of still is, haha. But I am going to be going to school in August. Yes, to UTSA. Yes, thats where Tony goes. But, no, that is not the only reason I am going (note: i said not the ONLY reason...of course he is a reason :] ). and i am sooooooo excited. I've already registered for classes, and I can't wait for them to begin. My last day at the church will be August 21... I wanted to stay long enough to make sure they got everything done for Promotion Sunday, with Cindy being gone and everything. But then, I move August 22. algjagkja';g;agj;algjka;gjk so excited. i can't wait to move into my new apartment! brand new -- never been lived in! woohoo! i've submitted a couple of resumes for administrative positions down there... please be praying i get a call back from someone and they offer me a job ;)
this week was houston project... and i went and helped at my dad's church site. yes, my dad's (possesive) church site. my dad is the new youth pastor of north central baptist church. its crazy, and its all on faith, because they have no idea how the Lord is going to provide for them, but they know that he will. if you can, please just be lifting up my family in prayer as they embark on this HUGE new journey of life.
and tonight...I am going on mission trip! I haven't been on an actual mission trip since 2005. it's with tony's church and we're going to be doing construction on a pastor's house in galveston. its just for the weekend, but it should be fun :)
so many emotions. so many things i can't really say.
im so tired. a year ago this week... i was in the same position i am now. tell me what progress was made? if anything, i feel as though i've regressed.
my heart hurts so badly... i know its the same situation over and over but you can never get used to the pain of being hurt again and again. how many times can i be wrong? i'm not the victim, i know that i've hurt and caused as much pain... but i can't take this anymore either. im at the point where i have to decide if the relationships are worth the drama. because my family is the most dramatic family in the history of dramatic families. [okkk yes that was dramatic too :) ]
in this hurt, i am pushing others away. i do not know how to handle it, and i put it out on others in ways that i shouldn't. but at the same time, i wish i had a friend in houston. just one friend, that i could go to, no matter what time of night it was, and i could go and get a hug, and they would let me cry. and talk. and just pour out my heart, no matter if it wasn't the 'right' things to say. i miss those friends...
in the midst of this, i know i am being pushed to god. but can i be honest? for the past twenty one years i've been in the same spot.. i'm exhausted. i dont know what is real and what is not. yes...i said it. i work at a church, and i grew up in the church, and im supposed to be such a godly christian... but i feel jaded. judge me if you will, but that is my heart... my painful, bleeding heart.
the past couple of weeks have been really hard. i've been going through a lot emotionally, as far as family & friends go, and just where my future is taking me. anyways, i needed a boost & something that always makes me feel better is thinking about my favorite things! hahahahahha. ok, i know that was dumb, but seriously...
tanning. new life green. va va voom red. (but not green & red together ;] ) getting massages. watching movies that make you cry from deep inside. unconditional love. singing SO LOUD & OFF KEY and enjoying every second of it. really good lunches with coworkers! birthdays. making tie die t-shirts with my siblings. laughing so hard your stomach hurts. a good run. seeing old friends. spending time with new friends. kisses! (chocolate...and the real ones! ;] ) taking pictures...and getting a REALLY good one. diamonds. (i still don't have any...but i like looking at them!) getting a new outfit. BIG PURSES! pedicures & manicures. getting my feelings off my chest, and not feeling guilty for it! the feeling of the sun on my skin....mmmm. bathing suits. brownies! caramel. love so wonderful it physically makes you hurt :]] long conversations on the phone. a good cry. friends that are there, no matter what. andddd so much more.
The Lord is my light and my salvation— so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? When evil people come to devour me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.
The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple. For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me. At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy, singing and praising the Lord with music.
Hear me as I pray, O Lord. Be merciful and answer me! My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” Do not turn your back on me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation! Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close
Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me. Do not let me fall into their hands. For they accuse me of things I’ve never done; with every breath they threaten me with violence. Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.
Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
I named her Chloe -- she's so precious, but she's definitely a bundle of energy!
She's still in the "i want to pounce everything that moves" stage.
I need to get her nails trimmed, I have claw marks all over my hands.
I got her from a lady off of craigslist and she told me "oh she's litter trained AND she doesn't have fleas"
yeah, she lied to me. about both! chloe was INFESTED with fleas. it was possibly the most disgusting thing. I had to sit there and literally comb them all out.
thankfully, they seem to be gone, and i treated the carpet with borax and they don't seem to have come back! lets pray it STAYS that way!
My parents got a kitty cat!
A week after I got Chloe (who was 7 weeks when I got her), my parents got a 4 week old kitty! They originally thought it was a boy, so they named her Josiah...and when they realized it was a girl, they changed it to Josie! She's very young, and she cries a lot, and she's NOT potty trained and they were having to bottle feed her for a while, but she's super adorable.
Her eyes are still blue-blue!
I got Toms! My amazing boyfriend bought me some Toms (he got the grey version of mine). I love them, they're so comfortable ! The best part about Toms, is that for every pair of shoes YOU buy, Toms sends a pair to a child in need! Two for one, its incredible. They are canvas/vegan as well :)
Hannah's are gold, mine are red -- yayy.
I got flowers!! Let's go Administrative Assistants! To celebrate administrative Assistants week, the staff took us out to Rio Ranch -- oh my goodness, the breakfast buffet is A-MA-ZING! I ate like a little pig, and enjoyed every second of it. Rae gave me some beautiful roses and a fun balloon! It's nice to be appreciated!!
the Ed suite girls (minus Christen)
my boss, Cindy Ann Pitts
jess and her display of yummy food
My little brother got to go to "prom" Since he's homeschooled, they call it a "gala" but its basically the same thing. You dress up, go to some place, eat food, dance, have fun. They should've had an after"prom" just for fun!! This is his girlfriend, Taylor -- she's so cute.
i got in a wreck.
ugh. yes, i know its only been 3 and 1/2 months.
It was raining REALLY hard and i was in san antonio and i was very confused and i thought i was turning, and i then i realized i wasn't, and so i thought i was in the turn/straight lane so i was like "ill just go straight" and then halfway through tony yells "mia, its a turn only!" and BAM! the guy NEXT to me was in the turn/straight lane and i was in the turn only.
he hit me, it was pouring rain when we exchanged infromation.
i have been reading a book called Chasing Daylight (thanks becky!) and i love it. it has given me so much food for thought, and a completely different perspective on things... some of my favorite parts...
"...Jesus calls us to live a life of unimaginable adventure. It begins the moment we choose to follow him. It is no less than to pass from existence to life" (quotations mine)
"The present moment is where the past and the future collide, and within a moment there is monumental potential. Thats the mystery of a moment. It's small enough to ignore and big enough to change your life."
"The prostitute Rahab, in one defining moment, through one life-altering decision, began a journey that brought her everything she had lost and more than she could ever have imagined. At our worst, good is only one decision away." (that, quite frankly, blew me away.)
Well, that is only the first chapter! I know, good stuff. The second chapter is on initiative. Here is where I am struggling. I referred to choices and decisions I am going to have to make in some earlier posts... and throughout the past couple of weeks, they've just been very present and foremost in my mind. Well, while reading all of this, of course I'm thinking about these decisions!
So then comes the part about...we, as humans, can do nothing to thwart God's sovereignty. Right. I agree with that. So, whatever decisions we make....can do nothing to mess up God's will. Ok, and now I'm just thinking "out loud" here. So does that mean everything is predestined??? I mean, I fully believe God gave us free will. But, if God knew we were ultimately going to follow Him...and THAT was his sovereign plan...and nothing can mess up his sovereignty...did we ultimately even have a choice?
And bigger plan aside, what about the smaller plans.... If we're following God, and if we're in line with God's will... everything we do will coordinate with that, right? McManus quite bodly even states, "To put it crassly, when you are madly in love with God, you can do whatever you want." That one stopped me. Where does our human nature come into play at this point? What about our sin? Yes, when we're madly in love with God, our desires become HIS desires... but we're not perfect. Surely, there is going to be imperfect desire, and to act upon that desire would be sin, and so....is that sin part of God's plan????
lfkjagjl;gjkl'agjalgjka;gjka. yes, ^ thats my opinion on things. and growing up in an extremely conservative household, making choices that are out of the ordinary and could possibly ruin God's plan for my life is WRONG.WRONG.WRONG. and all my upbring is SCREAMING at me, to play it safe, don't go somewhere where you can get burned!!!!!!!!!!!
so then the next paragraph that gets to me is this one "Those men and women whose lives you admire, who somehow seem to live life to the fullest, would probably be the first to tell you they are no different from you and me. It's not about talen or giftedness or intelligence; its about moving out of passivity into activity." (again, emphasis mine) earlier, he stated it much more succinctly, "just do something" and "take initative"
so....i'm going to bed last night... and i'm thinking about all of this and i'm feeling so... scrambled!!! choices.choices.choices.choices!!! ok, just do something. its that simple. i want the heart of God, and I am seekin God's character... all i have to do is move. easy enough, right??
so...i wake up this morning, i shower, i pray..."God...help me make sense of all of this!" and God... being a humorous God... :) well, He gives me THIS in our morning devotional... first line...BAM!
"waiting quielty is not what most of us do best. we prefer to be activitsts...." WHAT???????????? GOD! this is not making things clearer!! so, i read on, and you know, its talking about don't take the easier path (believe me, 'just doing something' wouldnt be), decisions are rarely instantaneous, its against our nature to wait, and.... we must let Him take the initiative by preparing the way before us." (ok, remember mcmanus is saying...take initiative...my devo is saying let God take initiative...can you understand why i'm getting conflicting messages here??) the quote of the day says "simply wait upon Him. In doing so, we shall be directed, supplied, protected, corrected, and rewarded." - vance havner
ok God. what in the world are you telling me? so...here is the deal. I'm going to stop the chaos! i truly desire the Lord's will in my life. I desire the passion of a life that is lived for Him. and so I am cutting the world out. for a week, I am not goin to watch any tv shows (other than the news), or listen to any secular music (goodbye rihanna!), or even read any books (other than school). i'm going to pour myself into His word.... immerse myself in worship music. and get peace. peace that surpasses all understanding.
feel free to ask me how i'm doing to keep me accountable. if i slip up, i'm going to start the week over. i just want God. thats it.
tony is coming in this weekend :D howeverrrrr i'm going to be pretty darn high the whole time. i'm getting all four wisdom teeth removed. i'm really nervous, but i'm so glad i'm finally getting them out!
i just found out yesterday that my family has been saying some pretty mean things about me. when i heard it...the first words out of my mouth were 'i dont care'. and then i burst into tears.
it hurts, knowing that my family thinks that poorly of me. i don't know why i have such a people pleasing complex. i hate for people to be dissatisfied, or unhappy with me, and heaven forbid they disapprove. i hate it. ever since i was a little girl, all i wanted was for people to like me.
after crying for about an hour.... i just laid on my bed. i started praying and i realized... God knows my heart. He knows what i have and i have not done. i realized, that there is no need for me to justify myself because i am already justified by jesus christ. there is no way i can ever prove to these women that my actions are pure, because if there are looking for a reason to gossip, they will. all i can do is try to live beyond reproach.
but i just realized... can i handle it? if i choose to make a life decision that may seem wrong to everyone else, can i handle the disapproval that i know my entire family is going to throw at me? but why does it matter? it shouldn't. but why does it. they're not living my life, they're not going to regret my mistakes. i will.
i just want peace that surpasses all understanding.
i like to be in control. i want to know that what is supposed to be in front of me, will be in front of me. when i don't know what is going on, i feel blind. and scared.
making decisions that involve risk, the unknown, and possibly disaproval, scare me witless. i don't want to be there. but i'm tired of being here. in a place where, even though i know what is going on, i want to cry everytime i have to do this again. i enjoy adventure, i enjoy exploring new territories. i want to be what God has called me to be. but that means letting go. that means not being in control. that means letting God.
for those of who actually read this... please be praying that God will open doors where they are supposed to be open, and shut them where they are not. and most of all...please pray that i will have wisdom.
_____________________________________ on another note, my dad sent out an email to my mom telling her about his trip to costarica. he is loving every second of it! yesterday, they were able to go minister to some people out in the mountains, who have just been through a devasting earthquake. he said he couldn't believe that in the midst of that tragedy, every single person had a smile on their face. it really made an impact on him. he loved it up there, and he hopes to have an opportunity to go back.
and my parents are missing each other. neither of them could sleep through the night! its so cute :)
that i don't have pictures of. i painted the top red, and put a pirate flag on it.
then i burned some gold paper and made a 'treasure map'
'6 kisses for everyday you were gone,
200 pennies for everytime i missed you...x5,
and the best treasure of all, my heart'
and i put 6 chocolate kisses in the chest
i spray painted 200 pennies gold
and i painted a black heart with gold 'stitching'
and wrote 'forever yours'. i'll take pictures next time i'm in SA.
i got a huge martini glass from the M&M store
and also...this shirt :)
thank you babes.
he came over sunday morning,
and we went grocery shoppping together
and i made a hugggggeeee breakfast!!!
pancakes, bacon, cinnamon, huevos rancheros, tortillas, and gingerale with pom mango juice.
i got a new haircut!!
i'm not sure if i like it. i do and i don't. its definitely different! i realized though it was probably not the smartest time to get that style because summer is coming and i have no way to pin my bangs up! ahhh! but they'll grow out pretty quickly, im sure. i don't know that i'd ever get them done this way again :)
singing at the top of my lungs.
exploring new cities.
beauty in the small things.
blaring the music.
a fine frenzy.
love so wonderful it makes you hurt.
all things lovely.