||ramblings||

i like to be in control.
i want to know that what is supposed to be in front of me,
will be in front of me.
when i don't know what is going on,
i feel blind. and scared.

making decisions that involve risk, the unknown,
and possibly disaproval,
scare me witless.
i don't want to be there.
but i'm tired of being here.
in a place where, even though i know what is going on,
i want to cry everytime i have to do this again.
i enjoy adventure,
i enjoy exploring new territories.
i want to be what God has called me to be.
but that means letting go. that means not being in control.
that means letting God.

for those of who actually read this...
please be praying that God will open doors where they are supposed to be open,
and shut them where they are not.
and most of all...please pray that i will have wisdom.

_____________________________________
on another note,
my dad sent out an email to my mom telling her about his trip to costa rica.
he is loving every second of it!
yesterday, they were able to go minister to some people out in the mountains,
who have just been through a devasting earthquake.
he said he couldn't believe that in the midst of that tragedy,
every single person had a smile on their face.
it really made an impact on him.
he loved it up there, and he hopes to have an opportunity to go back.

and my parents are missing each other.
neither of them could sleep through the night!
its so cute :)