||decisions||

I am about to finish my applications for school.
I'll submit them tomorrow.
I'm so nervous!!
I am applying to University of Texas in San Antonio and Sam Houston State University.
I just want to make the right decision about where I am going.

It's also just a huge, scary, leap of faith!
I would be quitting my job
(shhhhhhhh for those of you who work with me!
please, keep everything under wraps for the moment!!)
and going to live on a campus,
and get a part time job....
and....
thats really scary.
i am fully independant,
i provide completely for myself (through God's provisions),
and i will be stepping away from my 'income',
and i'm going to have to rely on God for everything.
AHHHHHH
that makes my stomach hurt thinking about it.
i hate not being in control.

for the first time in a long time,
i am in a stable position.
i have a steady job,
and i have an apartment i can truly call my own.
i'm not worrying about where i am going to live in the next couple of months.
that is such a great feeling!

but i am ready to move on,
i am ready to go to school full time
and get my degree.
and THAT'S exciting!
i have SO enjoyed going to school these past few semesters.
i have enjoyed the knowledge i've accumulated,
the debates held in class,
and the friend i've made.
[side note: i have not enjoyed buying textbooks]
and so...knowing that is going to be my life completely,
makes me really happy.
like my cousin said at christmas "college is a lifestyle"
its so true!
and i'm excited that i'm finally goin to be able to experience that.

but making that decision really does unnerve me a bit.
if i go to utsa, i'll know people already...
since i've been there several times to visit tony.
if i go to sam, i wont...
i know it wont be hard to make friends,
but its still just another factor to add to the 'scary' part of it.
haha.

anyways, if you're reading this, please just keep me in your prayers
as i make the huge transition in my life.

thanks!