[unconventional] beauty -

i miss eloquence.
i was once surrounded by people who knew
beauty of the soul
power of words
passion of the heart.

it is partly my fault,
i have chosen an accessible lifestyle,
one filled with praise for
stupidity
ignorance
crassness.

my passion for reading
my passion for knowledge
my passion to seek the beauty of the world
has dimmed.
is it because I struggle with my relationship with the Lord?
or my relationships have morphed into
meaningless banter and trivial fellowship?
i want to go back...

it breaks my heart,
because i don't know how to live for the lord
when I see so many around me falling away,
with the best intentions,
and the purest of Relationships.
It is so difficult to try....when I rarely see fruit.